Three Men in A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

It was a lovely landscape.  It was idyllic, poetical, and it inspired me.  I felt good and noble.  I felt I didn’t want to be sinful and wicked any more.  I would come and live here, and never do any more wrong, and lead a blameless, beautiful life, and have silver hair when I got old, and all that sort of thing.

In that moment I forgave all my friends and relations for their wickedness and cussedness, and I blessed them.  They did not know that I blessed them.  They went their abandoned way all unconscious of what I, far away in that peaceful village, was doing for them; but I did it, and I wished that I could let them know that I had done it, because I wanted to make them happy.  I was going on thinking away all these grand, tender thoughts, when my reverie was broken in upon by a shrill piping voice crying out:

“All right, sur, I’m a-coming, I’m a-coming.  It’s all right, sur; don’t you be in a hurry.”

I looked up, and saw an old bald-headed man hobbling across the churchyard towards me, carrying a huge bunch of keys in his hand that shook and jingled at every step.

I motioned him away with silent dignity, but he still advanced, screeching out the while:

“I’m a-coming, sur, I’m a-coming.  I’m a little lame.  I ain’t as spry as I used to be.  This way, sur.”

“Go away, you miserable old man,” I said.

“I’ve come as soon as I could, sur,” he replied.  “My missis never see you till just this minute.  You follow me, sur.”

“Go away,” I repeated; “leave me before I get over the wall, and slay you.”

He seemed surprised.

“Don’t you want to see the tombs?” he said.

“No,” I answered, “I don’t.  I want to stop here, leaning up against this gritty old wall.  Go away, and don’t disturb me.  I am chock full of beautiful and noble thoughts, and I want to stop like it, because it feels nice and good.  Don’t you come fooling about, making me mad, chivying away all my better feelings with this silly tombstone nonsense of yours.  Go away, and get somebody to bury you cheap, and I’ll pay half the expense.”

He was bewildered for a moment.  He rubbed his eyes, and looked hard at me.  I seemed human enough on the outside: he couldn’t make it out.