Three Men in A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

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George has bought some new things for this trip, and I’m rather vexed about them.  The blazer is loud.  I should not like George to know that I thought so, but there really is no other word for it.  He brought it home and showed it to us on Thursday evening.  We asked him what colour he called it, and he said he didn’t know.  He didn’t think there was a name for the colour.  The man had told him it was an Oriental design.  George put it on, and asked us what we thought of it.  Harris said that, as an object to hang over a flower-bed in early spring to frighten the birds away, he should respect it; but that, considered as an article of dress for any human being, except a Margate nigger, it made him ill.  George got quite huffy; but, as Harris said, if he didn’t want his opinion, why did he ask for it?

What troubles Harris and myself, with regard to it, is that we are afraid it will attract attention to the boat.

Young lady

Girls, also, don’t look half bad in a boat, if prettily dressed.  Nothing is more fetching, to my thinking, than a tasteful boating costume.  But a “boating costume,” it would be as well if all ladies would understand, ought to be a costume that can be worn in a boat, and not merely under a glass-case.  It utterly spoils an excursion if you have folk in the boat who are thinking all the time a good deal more of their dress than of the trip.  It was my misfortune once to go for a water picnic with two ladies of this kind.  We did have a lively time!

They were both beautifully got up—all lace and silky stuff, and flowers, and ribbons, and dainty shoes, and light gloves.  But they were dressed for a photographic studio, not for a river picnic.  They were the “boating costumes” of a French fashion-plate.  It was ridiculous, fooling about in them anywhere near real earth, air, and water.

The first thing was that they thought the boat was not clean.  We dusted all the seats for them, and then assured them that it was, but they didn’t believe us.  One of them rubbed the cushion with the forefinger of her glove, and showed the result to the other, and they both sighed, and sat down, with the air of early Christian martyrs trying to make themselves comfortable up against the stake.  You are liable to occasionally splash a little when sculling, and it appeared that a drop of water ruined those costumes.  The mark never came out, and a stain was left on the dress for ever.

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