Three Men in A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

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They began in a light-hearted spirit, evidently intending to show me how to do it.  I made no comment; I only waited.  When George is hanged, Harris will be the worst packer in this world; and I looked at the piles of plates and cups, and kettles, and bottles and jars, and pies, and stoves, and cakes, and tomatoes, &c., and felt that the thing would soon become exciting.

It did.  They started with breaking a cup.  That was the first thing they did.  They did that just to show you what they could do, and to get you interested.

Then Harris packed the strawberry jam on top of a tomato and squashed it, and they had to pick out the tomato with a teaspoon.

And then it was George’s turn, and he trod on the butter.  I didn’t say anything, but I came over and sat on the edge of the table and watched them.  It irritated them more than anything I could have said.  I felt that.  It made them nervous and excited, and they stepped on things, and put things behind them, and then couldn’t find them when they wanted them; and they packed the pies at the bottom, and put heavy things on top, and smashed the pies in.

They upset salt over everything, and as for the butter!  I never saw two men do more with one-and-twopence worth of butter in my whole life than they did.  After George had got it off his slipper, they tried to put it in the kettle.  It wouldn’t go in, and what was in wouldn’t come out.  They did scrape it out at last, and put it down on a chair, and Harris sat on it, and it stuck to him, and they went looking for it all over the room.

“I’ll take my oath I put it down on that chair,” said George, staring at the empty seat.

“I saw you do it myself, not a minute ago,” said Harris.

Then they started round the room again looking for it; and then they met again in the centre, and stared at one another.

“Most extraordinary thing I ever heard of,” said George.

“So mysterious!” said Harris.

Then George got round at the back of Harris and saw it.

“Why, here it is all the time,” he exclaimed, indignantly.

“Where?” cried Harris, spinning round.

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