Three Men in A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

I reminded him of George, and how we had to get the boat up to Shepperton by five o’clock to meet him, and then he went for George.  Why was George to fool about all day, and leave us to lug this lumbering old top-heavy barge up and down the river by ourselves to meet him?  Why couldn’t George come and do some work?  Why couldn’t he have got the day off, and come down with us?  Bank be blowed!  What good was he at the bank?

“I never see him doing any work there,” continued Harris, “whenever I go in.  He sits behind a bit of glass all day, trying to look as if he was doing something.  What’s the good of a man behind a bit of glass?  I have to work for my living.  Why can’t he work.  What use is he there, and what’s the good of their banks?  They take your money, and then, when you draw a cheque, they send it back smeared all over with ‘No effects,’ ‘Refer to drawer.’  What’s the good of that?  That’s the sort of trick they served me twice last week.  I’m not going to stand it much longer.  I shall withdraw my account.  If he was here, we could go and see that tomb.  I don’t believe he’s at the bank at all.  He’s larking about somewhere, that’s what he’s doing, leaving us to do all the work.  I’m going to get out, and have a drink.”

I pointed out to him that we were miles away from a pub.; and then he went on about the river, and what was the good of the river, and was everyone who came on the river to die of thirst?

It is always best to let Harris have his head when he gets like this.  Then he pumps himself out, and is quiet afterwards.

I reminded him that there was concentrated lemonade in the hamper, and a gallon-jar of water in the nose of the boat, and that the two only wanted mixing to make a cool and refreshing beverage.

Then he flew off about lemonade, and “such-like Sunday-school slops,” as he termed them, ginger-beer, raspberry syrup, &c., &c.  He said they all produced dyspepsia, and ruined body and soul alike, and were the cause of half the crime in England.

He said he must drink something, however, and climbed upon the seat, and leant over to get the bottle.  It was right at the bottom of the hamper, and seemed difficult to find, and he had to lean over further and further, and, in trying to steer at the same time, from a topsy-turvy point of view, he pulled the wrong line, and sent the boat into the bank, and the shock upset him, and he dived down right into the hamper, and stood there on his head, holding on to the sides of the boat like grim death, his legs sticking up into the air.  He dared not move for fear of going over, and had to stay there till I could get hold of his legs, and haul him back, and that made him madder than ever.