LISTS
77 Most Common Haircut Mistakes
Next time you go in for a trim, make sure to avoid these classic goofs.
Not shampooing beforehand
Shampooing beforehand with cement
Showing up...
Top 10 Ways To Tell Your Friend Who Lives Far Away That They Can’t Stay With You For Thanksgiving
We are redoing our kitchen. You have to walk on cardboard all the time.
My parents are crazy. You would not believe the...
Ice Cream Flavors Banned in Communist China
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has ruled over the Chinese mainland with an iron fist since forcing the liberal-democratic Kuomintang army and its supporters...
All Of The Joes I Know
Joseph Gelin (I call him Joseph but he might go by Joe now that he’s in college)
Joe Zemba (short for Giuseppe)
Joe...
NEWSROOM
Report: Jesus Not A Big Birthday Guy
BETHLEHEM, PALESTINE—In a surprise resurrection this afternoon, Jesus Christ issued a press release stating that he is not a “big birthday guy.”...
“I Just Want Both Of Them To Be Happy,” Says Torn Voter
SARASOTA, FL — In a stunning effort not to hurt anyone’s feelings, undecided voter Roy Kettleman announced Tuesday that he just wants...
Yale Student Hunger Strikes for No Particular Cause
NEW HAVEN, CT—In an inspiring display of solidarity with something or other, Yale student Greg Gronson ‘23 began a hunger strike protest...
Yale Dining Announces Beer Week
NEW HAVEN, CT — Following the cult-like success of Citrus Week and the outcry following the cancellation of Olive Oil week, Yale...
Harper B. Tragically Diagnosed with Cooties
This article originally appeared in the Just for Kids Issue, completed in March 2020.
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON—In what school nurse Amy...
Joe Biden Addresses the Pandemic: TRANSCRIPT
BIDEN: My fellow Americans, I’m—is this, is it going? Oh! Okay, well. Hello there, Facebook. Here’s the deal: today, we’re facing a...
“I Have Made A Mistake,” Says Man With House Full Of Toilets
SARASOTA, FL— “I have made a mistake,” Sarasota native Frank Clarkson said, as the realization sunk in that he should not have...
