LISTS
The Record’s Top Seven Elevator Conversation Starters
Happy Monday! Have you checked out the new herbal teas in the employee break room? Also, please kill me.
I have been growing...
5 Gentiles At Yale
Three guys on the crew team named Whitaker: These guys seem to have everything, but one thing they don’t have is an eternal covenant...
8 Op-Eds David Swensen Wrote For The Record That Received No National News Coverage
If I Really Wanted To, I Could Make Yale’s Endowment Even Bigger
Since When Is My Sex Dungeon A For-Profit Prison?
Yale Isn’t...
Seven Musical Moments That Solved Global Ills
1954: Frank Sinatra releases “Fly Me to the Moon,” a little tune that goes on to inspire President Kennedy’s greatest accomplishment: his response to...
NEWSROOM
Student Finally Joins Local DSA After Fifth Unsuccessful Tinder Date
NEW HAVEN, CT -- After yet another disappointing first date at the Shake Shack on Chapel Street, Devin Hostleman '21 has sworn off Tinder...
Peabody 1 To Become Four-Story Patagonia Megastore
NEW HAVEN, CT — In a report issued Tuesday to the city of New Haven, Patagonia, Inc. has announced plans to complete their buyout of...
Embattled DKE Rebrands to LEO
NEW HAVEN, CT — Facing yet another wave of censure for its hostile sexual climate and countless confirmed allegations of assault, including those leveled...
Confused Sarah Palin Prepared to Step In As President
WASILLA, ALASKA— Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and current author, political commentator, and Instagram endorser of Teami Blends Skinny Tea, made statements on...
Nathan Chen Deep In Training For 2019 First-Year Olympics
In the 2018 Winter Olympics, he made history as the first Olympic ice skater to land six quadruple jumps. Just months later, he was...
Hillary Clinton Returns To Connecticut For Yale Graduation, Skips Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania State
NEW HAVEN - Former Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton visited Yale on Sunday to deliver the 2018 Class Day Address.
Clinton, who...
Trump Says He Would Have Rushed in Unarmed to Revive his Fortnite “Squad”
WASHINGTON — President Trump asserted Monday that he would have run in to a heavy spray of gunfire to save the other members of...
President Xi Jinping Wins 2033 China Election
BEIJING, CHINA, 2033 — Xi Jinping clinched victory in China’s 2033 election this past Sunday, collecting a sweeping 100 percent of the vote.
“This is...
