LISTS
Seven Musical Moments That Solved Global Ills
1954: Frank Sinatra releases “Fly Me to the Moon,” a little tune that goes on to inspire President Kennedy’s greatest accomplishment: his response to...
LOL: These Foolish Apartment Hunters Were Tricked Into Buying Rooms With No Walls Or Ceilings
Bet these bozos are wishing they read the fine print before signing their lease...
No ceiling or walls…AND a slanted, unfinished floor? That's why you...
Five Ways Your Son’s Body Will Change As He Experiences the Magic of Puberty
Facial Hair
As your son undergoes puberty, he will begin to grow a half blonde, half brown goatee. Do not be alarmed. This is...
5 Sure Fire Ways To Get Into Yale Seminars, Except for the System is Oversubscribed and Broken Anyways
Many Yale seminars are capped at 15 or 20 students, making admission extremely competitive. Tired of finding out that you got dropped from the...
NEWSROOM
“Told You So” Says Karl Marx To Dead Black Friday Shoppers
HEAVEN -- In the wake of one of the most brutal Black Fridays in recorded history, sources say that German political philosopher Karl Marx...
Student Looks at Pinboard
NEW HAVEN, CT — Yesterday, amidst gasps from onlooking passers-by, Susie Marks ‘21 actually looked at the pinboard on Cross Campus. According to sources, Marks...
“Just To Piggyback Off That Thought For A Second,” Reports First-Year Seminar Student, About To Piggyback Off That Thought For A Second
NEW HAVEN, CT – When Alex McNeil ‘21 began shopping his first-year seminar, “Art of the Science of the Modern Technology of Public Policy...
Hurricane Irma Unprepared for Florida
TALLAHASSEE, FL—As Hurricane Irma hurdles towards Florida’s coast, the state’s notoriously brash residents are gearing up to fight the storm.
“We’ll show Irma what Floridians...
BREAKING: Marvin Chun Named Marvin
In a 1967 birth, psychology and neuroscience professor Marvin Chun was named Marvin by his parents, University President Peter Salovey announced in a Thursday...
Rumpus Experiences Lucky Break, As 99.08% Of Students Reveal They “Wouldn’t Have Wanted to Be in ‘50 Most’ Anyway”
NEW HAVEN — After the Yale Rumpus released its annual "50 Most" issue Wednesday, 5,403 Yale undergraduates announced that they "wouldn’t have wanted to...
We Answered The Questions You Were Too Embarrassed To Ask About Today’s Hearing On Russian Interference
Comey, false allegations of wiretapping, NSA, CIA ... we get it, there's a lot going on. But we also understand that for these questions,...
Report: You, The Reader Of This Piece Who Hasn’t Locked Down A Summer Internship, Are Literally Worthless Shit
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A new report released Thursday by the Yale Office of Career Strategy found that you, the only Yale undergraduate still...
