LISTS
Hosting Your Pre-Frosh: DO’s and DON’Ts
We at the Yale Record are a kind, hospitable bunch who pride ourselves on fostering the young minds of the next generation. Last week,...
77 Most Common Haircut Mistakes
Next time you go in for a trim, make sure to avoid these classic goofs.
Not shampooing beforehand
Shampooing beforehand with cement
Showing up...
Top 10 Ways To Tell Your Friend Who Lives Far Away That They Can’t Stay With You For Thanksgiving
We are redoing our kitchen. You have to walk on cardboard all the time.
My parents are crazy. You would not believe the...
Ice Cream Flavors Banned in Communist China
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has ruled over the Chinese mainland with an iron fist since forcing the liberal-democratic Kuomintang army and its supporters...
NEWSROOM
Report: Local Kid Too Much Of A Bummer To Bully
NEW HAVEN, CT—As local eighth-grader Nathan Lloyd-Katz wandered dejectedly across the playground, sources confirmed Tuesday that he is “too much of a...
Report: Jesus Not A Big Birthday Guy
BETHLEHEM, PALESTINE—In a surprise resurrection this afternoon, Jesus Christ issued a press release stating that he is not a “big birthday guy.”...
“I Just Want Both Of Them To Be Happy,” Says Torn Voter
SARASOTA, FL — In a stunning effort not to hurt anyone’s feelings, undecided voter Roy Kettleman announced Tuesday that he just wants...
Yale Student Hunger Strikes for No Particular Cause
NEW HAVEN, CT—In an inspiring display of solidarity with something or other, Yale student Greg Gronson ‘23 began a hunger strike protest...
Yale Dining Announces Beer Week
NEW HAVEN, CT — Following the cult-like success of Citrus Week and the outcry following the cancellation of Olive Oil week, Yale...
Harper B. Tragically Diagnosed with Cooties
This article originally appeared in the Just for Kids Issue, completed in March 2020.
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON—In what school nurse Amy...
Joe Biden Addresses the Pandemic: TRANSCRIPT
BIDEN: My fellow Americans, I’m—is this, is it going? Oh! Okay, well. Hello there, Facebook. Here’s the deal: today, we’re facing a...
