LISTS
The Record’s Study Abroad Guide: Lesser Known Foreign Customs
We know spending your summer in a foreign country can be stressful, especially if it’s your first time abroad. That’s why we’ve compiled some...
7 Times NASA Tried To Take A Photo Of A Black Hole But Accidentally Used Front-Facing Camera
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–C. Cohen
Signs Your Dad Might Secretly Be a Furry
He loves picking you up by the scruff of your neck.
He refuses to call an exterminator for the raccoon in the attic,...
“Say Yes to the Dress” Spinoffs That Didn’t Make it to Air
From the Fashion Issue
Say Okay to the Toupee
Say At Least It Was Free to the Schwarzman Center Tee
Say I Can’t Believe...
NEWSROOM
Facebook Post Resurrects Jesus
TOWNVILLE, MONTANA—When Krisha Silverson, 33, chimed in on Facebook with her opinion on gun redistribution, she had a hunch that her post would go...
Hong Kong Is An Inseparable Part Of China, Says Student Who Took Half A Semester Of Chinese
Amidst global news coverage of student-led demonstrations challenging China’s rule over Hong Kong, Corey Perkins ‘22 issued a proclamation Tuesday on his personal Twitter...
The Part Of The Mueller Report The Media Isn’t Reporting
This afternoon, the full redacted Mueller Report was revealed to the public. Most news outlets are missing this key paragraph:
—C. Cohen, D. Hou &...
President Salovey Asks Dean Chun What ER&M Stands For Again
NEW HAVEN, CT—After thirteen professors withdrew from the Ethnicity, Race, and Migration program on Friday, President Peter Salovey in an email expressed regret over...
Future Pulitzer-Winning Investigative Reporter Hits Stacy With “Who Do You Like?” During Truth or Dare
SALEM, CT – For most 11-year-old girls, sleepovers are an opportunity to bond with friends, watch movies, and chow down on some fun snacks....
Local Teen Detained By Homeland Security For Repeatedly Referring To Slumber Party As “Sleeper Cell”
SOUTH OTSELIC, NY—Hailing it as an “inspired example of multi-agency cooperation” and “tactful use” of breaching charges placed against the door of the Brown...
Leaked Copy Of Trump’s Answers To The Dummy “Which Sex and the City Character Are You” Quiz BuzzFeed Reporters Used To Get The Cohen-Russia Scoop
Who’s your ideal man?
Mr. Big
Steve Brady
Trey MacDougal
My longtime attorney, Michael Cohen, who I personally instructed to lie to Congress...
Student Finally Joins Local DSA After Fifth Unsuccessful Tinder Date
NEW HAVEN, CT -- After yet another disappointing first date at the Shake Shack on Chapel Street, Devin Hostleman '21 has sworn off Tinder...
