1. What’s your favourite season?

  • Spring
  • Summer
  • Autumn
  • Winter

2. How many plants do you own?

  • None
  • 1-4
  • 3-7
  • 10+

3 Have you ever stared into a creature’s eyes as its life leaves its body, and lived with the crushing, gut-wrenching weight of another being’s soul on your conscience for years to come?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I was a minor and my records are sealed
  • A lady never tells!

4 How confident are you in your knowledge base of which fruits, nuts, leaves, and roots are safe to eat, have medicinal properties, and/or ward away pests and dangerous predators?

  • Not Confident
  • Somewhat Confident
  • Fairly Confident
  • Very Confident

5 Which herbaceous remedy would you most enjoy?

  • A minty brew
  • A zesty lemon salve
  • The blood of an animal you killed with stone tools
  • A sweet but peppery syrup

6 Have you ever died from accidentally foraging ​​Rubus chamaemorus, foolishly mistaking it for the common raspberry?

  • Yes
  • Yes, but I ate it on purpose
  • No
  • Rubus? I hardly know us!

7 What’s your ideal vacation?

  • A lazy weekend by the beach
  • A log cabin in the woods
  • Hunting and killing animals
  • Staycation

8 Have you ever had gay thoughts?

  • Yes
  • No

9 If you answered B to Question 8, are you sure?

  • No

10 Scenario: You’re lost in the woods and need to find food. Do you:

  • Hunt
  • Gather

Mostly E’s: You’re a hunter! You’re a natural leader, love the thrill of a fight, and aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty. You’re a master at taking down big game, but do you ever stop and wonder if this is all just a way to perform masculinity to finally earn the approval that your father never gave you as a child? Happy hunting!

Mostly F’s: You’re a gatherer! You’re social, work well in groups, and know your way around the old meadow. Your tribe taught you to distinguish a giant hogweed from a wild carrot with your eyes closed, but did anyone ever teach you how to not be such a spineless little wimp? Keep picking those berries!

D. Alberts