NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys I might be a total idiot for saying this? But I really like Tony Romo. He just seems like a good dude. Like he’s the one of your buddies who manages to get you a cab when he finds you at 2am picking a fight with a jukebox, and then is cool enough not to bring it up the next day. The fact that he’s got a bad rap for one botched play and one poorly-timed hookup with Jessica Simpson just doesn’t seem fair to me, even though it totally is. Personally, I blame Wade Phillips for the whole debacle.
New York Giants I live in New York, which means I see a lot of Giants games. And that, in turn, means I see a lot of Tom Coughlin looking outraged. I would never put up with Tom Coughlin if I had to deal with him personally, but from afar I find incredible solace in the way he orients himself to the world through constant, unadulterated umbrage. Hixon brings the kickoff out of the end zone and gets dropped at the 14? Hands on hips, head tilted to the side, mouth open in aggravated disbelief. Manning overthrows Bradshaw on a screen? Hands on hips, head tilted to the side, mouth open in aggravated disbelief. Delivery man brings fried dumplings when he specifically ordered steamed? Hands on hips, head tilted to the side, mouth open in aggravated disbelief. There’s something really comforting about anything this predictable. It’s like the NFL equivalent of the way Brian Williams talks.
Philadelphia Eagles Here’s another one of those ESPN-generated “controversies”—that the Eagles are a “Super Team.” Within a day of Nnamdi Asomugha signing with Philly, ESPN was sticking mics under the noses of anyone wearing green asking what they thought of the idea that Philly was a Super Team, when the only reason that was an idea was that that very question was being asked. There needs to be a word for this—it’s like a Catch-22, sort of, except the inverse. A Catch-11? A Rachel Nichols? Anyway, the Eagles aren’t a Super Team, because that concept makes no sense in a sport that has rosters of 54 and lineups of 11. What they might be, though, is really, really good. I’m looking forward to the first time Vince Young and Michael Vick are on the field at the same time, preferably in a five-guys-in-the-backfield formation with LeSean McCoy, Ronnie Brown, and DeSean Jackson. My only hope is that Cris Collinsworth is calling the game when this happens, so we can all finally learn what it sounds like when somebody’s head explodes from sheer joy.
Washington Redskins I clicked on the Redskins team page on NFL.com and my internet crashed. This doesn’t seem like a coincidence. It also doesn’t matter: I don’t have any interest in discussing the Redskins players, I’m too caught up on the fact that the team is named the Redskins. The Redskins! It’s 20-fucking-11—how is this still acceptable? Does this really not bother us all, collectively, enough to fucking change it? Or is this like one of those things where doing something about it only calls attention to what a terrible mistake it was in the first place, like trying to sell an old Ricky Martin CD?
