AFC SOUTH
Houston Texans Hey, Houston GM Rick Smith? It’s me, Arian Foster. Yeah, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind signing a defense before my two-year window as an effective running back has closed. Please call me back, I’ve left like 20 messages.
Indianapolis Colts You know what inspires confidence? When the best guy on your team has a neck so banjaxed he doesn’t even want to lob rainbows at his Feel-Good Passing Camp for Indiana Youngsters. Either Peyton Manning is more seriously hurt than we were initially led to believe, or he hates poor kids more than we were initially led to believe. Either way he’s at the point in his career where these things get exposed. On the plus side, the Colts’ four best passing targets’ names contain a combined six first names, one French word and one dog breed. On the minus side, that has nothing to do with football.
Jacksonville Jaguars Has anyone else noticed that Blaine Gabbert sort of looks like Chris Klein circa the first American Pie?
Tennessee Titans I’m just glad Chris Johnson got a new contract, so he can go back to murdering peoples’ fantasy seasons with his twenty-five-points-one-week-then-three-points-the-next manuever. If having Chris Johnson on your fantasy team were a vegetable, it would be cauliflower. Because cauliflower makes you not want to play fantasy football anymore.
