This article originally appeared in the Sponsored Issue.

  1. Fork holder
  2. Prop comedy, something along the lines of “If my wife finds out I tried to fuck a toaster, I’m toast!” Then you hold up the toaster and maybe try to fuck it onstage.
  3. World’s worst DVR
  4. Throw it into an enemy trench like a grenade. Hopefully they’ll love it so much, they’ll just go home.
  5. Fancy brick
  6. Timer for when to take bread out of your other toaster
  7. Transformers Cosplay
  8. So basically, you pull your pants down, sit on the toaster, and wait for the bread to pop up.