We at The Yale New Record were shocked to hear that our former friends at The Yale Record endorsed no one for president. This is an affront to our right to endorse the one store where you can get sweet hats for too much money. We learned of their choice not to endorse while we were all on a train, so we have reacted aggressively and formed our own splinter group: The Yale New Record. And we at the New Record endorse Lids®.
Lids® is the only place to shop for sweet head-toppers. Try to think of another hat store, I dare you. Give up? That’s right, there’s only Lids®. When you go to the polls and think about what to put on your head, the answer is obvious: Lids®.
Endorsing no one is the fool’s way out. They fear that the fat cats and anti-hats will take away their tax-exempt status. But we will rise up to secure the American dream: a sweet lid atop every dome. Just try to stop us. We’re putting headwear politics above partisan politics.
We also want to point out that the tweet sent by @TheYaleRecord which stated that “Lids® are only all right” was slanderous; that Twitter account was hacked. We would like to make clear that we think Lids® are outta sight.
—The Editorial Board of The Yale New Record