Hello folks it’s me the Don I haven’t prepared anything but I don’t need to folks it’s all in here and I’m going to do something called the weave folks your mind is going to explode I did the weave in front of the best doctors and psychologists and health gurus and they all started crying because of how amazing it was and I am and they all were salivating because of my beautiful genius mind and my rocking hot bod Joe Biden doesn’t have this body I’ll tell you that much folks I can’t tell you more they won’t let me but what I will say folks is that I was with Joe backstage after that first debate which was the biggest debate they’ve ever had and he lost it so badly no one has ever won as bigly as I did and after the debate I just thought wow he is so handsome how much I would love to kiss him and touch him and I turned to Joe and I said Joe I need to kiss you right now and he looked at me and said something I don’t even think he knew what he was saying I couldn’t hear it but he nodded up and down folks and Jill watched and it was so so beautiful just like my economy folks the economy right now it’s amazing we had billions and billions of dollars and it’s because of me and while Joe was president it was terrible but I forgive him because when we were backstage it was the most alive I’ve ever felt folks and we love that we really love that and I love my daughter Ivanka if I were her age I would date her that’s right folks I’m doubling down I would totally date her absolutely no question about it and I was telling Bobby the great Bobby Kennedy Jr. this the other day and I said Bobby you gotta eat these hamburgers Bobby they’re so delicious the best you’ve ever had and Bobby said no thank you Donald so I had Elon and Don Jr. hold him down while Grimace from the Mets we love the Mets folks we really do they’ve had a great season and he came over he shoved a Quarter Pounder right in Bobby’s mouth and and I said to Bobby you can go wild on health Bobby wild on health but watch out I’m going to drill baby drill and let me tell you folks that’s a fantastic genre of rap music right there I actually went to O-block in Chicago the other day and I said what’s going on here and I gave everyone there a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder and I met the great Ice Spice folks she was there and I said Ice Spice I’d love to have your support against crooked Kamablah and we recorded a song together and we love that folks I was shaking my ass just like when I was backstage with Sleepy Joe but let me tell you folks I was sleeping well after that he put me right to sleep and I said to Ice Spice what’s the deal with Kamala is she Black or Indian because I don’t know folks I actually don’t see color that’s what the racist Dems want you to think so I was just a little confused and Ice Spice didn’t have an answer either she just stood there shaking ass and that’s when we left O-block and that was it must have been two hours ago and now I’m here and I got here super fast probably the fastest ever because of the great Elon Musk we love Elon and I looked to Elon and said Elon we got to get to Capital Hill so we hopped into one of his incredible huge beautiful fantastic incredible SpaceX rocket ships and we zoomed over here and crashed into the Smithsonian and I actually think the Constitution caught on fire but we like that folks we’re gonna write a new one and I turned to Elon and said Elon we’re going to get people on Mars in my presidency they’re going to know me as the Mars President and it’s going to take a tremendous effort but we can do it folks I’m going to make Mars great again greater than you’ll ever believe and my son-in-law Jared is going to build so many amazing hotels where no one will ever find all the classified documents I allegedly stole in my first presidency and they told me Don you can’t say that but I’m saying it folks I mean it and some people some nasty women they went up to me and said Donald you’re a mean one but I said no that’s the Grinch you’re getting me confused with the Grinch totally unfair but that’s what they do and then I thought to myself I need Dr. Suess he’s going to be in my cabinet folks the great Dr. Suess and I thought wow this will be the greatest cabinet in this country’s history folks we have two doctors now Dr. Suess and Dr. Oz and they’re amazing and then these nasty women said to me Dr. Suess is dead and we don’t like that folks but we’re working on it he’ll be here and I think we’re going to make him the Martian ambassador because we don’t know what’s up there there could be aliens and Dr. Suess he wrote that amazing book possibly the best it’s called Oh The Places You’ll Go but I could write a better book folks I could but it doesn’t matter because he’s probably been to Mars and we love that folks and is the great Matt Gaetz in the crowd yes there he is folks the great Matt Gaetz I actually call him Matt Greats that’s how great he is but the woke left mob they went after Matt Greats and he would have been the greatest Attorney General or whatever I told him to do and I love Matt Greats I do but he wasn’t my first choice folks he was Matt Not Greats for a while and I was talking to Giuliani and I said get Jeff on the phone I want him to be my new Attorney General and he said who and I said the great Jeffrey Epstein with that lovely tropical island and the amazing planes we’ve been on them many times me and Rudy and we took many great pictures with Jeff and his beautiful wife Ghislaine perhaps the only woman on the planet who isn’t nasty except for maybe my daughter Ivanka neither of them are nasty folks but Rudy turned to me and said Jeff’s dead and I was shocked folks the great Jeffrey Epstein so I said what about his wife Ghislaine and apparently she’s in prison and I was shocked to hear this so then I said reach out to the great Puff Daddy he’s going to be the Attorney General and my God he’s in jail too all my good buddies how did that happen what a ridiculous witch hunt folks Joe Biden thought he could arrest me too but I kind of want him to put me in handcuffs folks I really do and what’s that they’re telling me to stop the speech but look at this amazing crowd there must be a billion people here and Kamala couldn’t do that she’s got the AI crowds the AI crowds folks what a wicked woman but speaking of Wicked wow what a great movie I love Ariana Grande she’s so much better than Taylor Swift I hate Taylor Swift and I love Ariana Grande because her last name means big and I like that folks because I’m the biggest ever just like Joe Biden’s co–
At this moment, nine hours into his speech, the President’s microphone was muted.
–T. Harris
