Breaking: Lost Hitchcock Found

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Photo of Alfred Hitchcock and actress reposted by The Yale Record college humor magazine.

Scholars have unearthed Alfred Hitchcock’s first film, long believed to be lost. What’s the title, and/or what’s it about?

• A Movie Your 11th Grade English Teacher Will Make You Analyze for Freudian References
• Birds Prequel: The Eggs
• A homicidal motel keeper is controlled by his reclusive mother. There’s just one problem: she’s an orangutan!
• Basically Bridesmaids, but with really spooky camera work
• Lonely aspiring film director seeks true love through heretofore unimagined cinematic horrors
• The Flapper Dancer, about a small-town girl who comes to the big city with big dreams, gets caught up in speakeasy culture, learns tough lessons about life, and returns to rural Indiana with a newfound respect for the little things

—Staff (Chernicoff, Chiasson, Klumpp)

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