PG-13 for persistent shirtlessness, cultural anachronisms, a few grisly deaths here and there
To transform this film from tedious late-summer sludge into a cult classic, it would take but one simple and obvious change: Recast the lead as Conan O’Brien.
When did we settle on brawny men as our action heroes, anyway? What about scrawny, gangly late-night comedians? As long as I’m watching a plotless parade of explosions and fight scenes, with a hero dodging flaming arrows and conjuring dusty ghosts, I’d rather ditch the muscular no-name and watch Stephen Colbert or Jimmy Fallon. Especially if they have CGI-enhanced musculature.
You might lose a little plausibility, but let’s all face facts: Conan the Barbarian was never going to be an exercise in plausibility to begin with.
Puzzle of the day: Which action films would you recast with which late-night comedians (or other scrawny types)?—Ben Orlin
