If you’ve reached the point in your life where you have realized that therapy might be helpful to you, you might have also realized that therapy can be pricey! It can be difficult to rationalize the cost of your mental well-being when you’re also just trying to keep a roof over your head. What they don’t tell you is that there’s an easy way to make therapy affordable, while simultaneously improving your self-worth and sense of belonging in the minefield that is today’s economic landscape.
It starts simply: 50 bottles of health supplements, all for you. Here at Juice Plus, you control your personal inventory, and you may distribute these however you like, all while being in charge of your own schedule, inventory, and profits. Essentially, you are your own boss, and can finally have the perfect work/life balance that you’ve been trying so hard to achieve. We’re just here to help you achieve your dreams and make money in your sleep!
On our team, we have licensed therapists who also work as marketing consultants and can help you with any of your needs. We use a variety of tried-and-true therapeutic methods, including Person-Centered Rogerian Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, and a type of hypnotherapy that our professionals have developed themselves. We want you to see the you that we see.
In addition to these resources, you are also allotted appropriate health supplements per month, free of charge—as many as you want or feel you need. 9 out of 10 sales representatives who work with us claim that they notice positive effects almost immediately, including:
- Higher energy levels
- Boosted mood
- Increased motivation
- Tingling
- Brain wiggles
- Rapid fluctuations in temperature
- Lesions
- Night shakes
- Increased caution around bats and other nocturnal animals
- Ability to function on little to no sleep
- Ability to derive energy from consuming inedible products, including glass, paper, and plastic
- Higher sensitivity to fear
These effects can only be achieved using our full plan, including health supplements, company-mandated group therapy, and weekly hypnotherapy sessions with one of our esteemed psychiatric experts. And you make money every step of the way! The world may not always be kind, but we promise you that we will always be there for you. Juice Plus is a family, and we will hold your hand through everything that life has to offer.*
*(Unless you fall behind in your sales, in which case we will send a team of muscular therapists to break your legs while shouting “how does this make you feel?”)
—S. Spaner
