This article originally appeared in the 2018 First Year Issue
Alright, friends! Now that we’ve exhausted all of our fun facts, identified who has famous parents, and finally finished our 9-hour game of human knot—sorry again for the dislocated shoulder, Mike; way to take one for the team!—it’s time for me to answer the questions I had you whisper in my ear at the beginning of our meeting. First up: Is it okay to reinvent yourself in college?
Of course it is! In fact, that question reminds me of my own journey. It was the summer before my first year, and I was going to an admitted students meetup. I was so excited to meet my future classmates and impress them with my inspiring Common App essay about being the first person ever cut from my school’s intramural ESports team.
I had meticulously pressed my chinos and practiced my greeting over and over again: “Bow WOW, what a fine looking group of Yalies!” I thought I was ready for anything. But as soon as I walked into that coffee shop and saw my future classmates, I choked. Everything I had practiced started to slip away from me, just like the Wii remote that fractured Chris Coomb’s clavicle at my first and last ESports tournament.
“WHAT’S POPPIN’ MOFO’s? THE NAME’S C-DAWG,” I yelled, proceeding to pantomime a far too lengthy guitar solo to the tune of “Cowboy” by Kid Rock. Where I learned that move or that song, I will never know.
Ever since that day, “C-Dawg” has consumed every part of my life at Yale. When I was Chase, I got 8 hours of sleep every night. C-Dawg, on the other hand, says that sleep is for “little cucklords.” Whereas Chase cared about his schoolwork, C-Dawg only cares about doing finger guns and keeping the stickers on his snapback hats. Chase was a God-fearing Catholic; C-Dawg is a Godless Presbyterian.
C-Dawg refers to himself as “Big Papa,” wears deep v-neck shirts, and has a “sick vape collection.” He is a crime fighting vigilante who takes justice into his own hands. He is at once everything that Chase feared and everything that Chase wanted. And if I’m being completely honest with you, C-Dawg killed Chase. Chase isn’t here anymore. And I fear myself. I fear what I have become.
So, yeah, it’s totally possible to reinvent yourselves. Enjoy duty tonight. C-Dawg makes a mean pancake.
—A. Zbornak