This article originally appeared in the 2018 First Year Issue

  1. He closes his eyes and slowly whispers “yum plus yum equals yum” to himself before every meal.
  2. He asked you to send him a picture of your nice fat backpack while you were studying last night.
  3. He sleeps with his two favorite tortillas he saved and named Rick and Torty.
  4. He refuses to shower alone to “save water.”
  5. While on his way to Woolsey for commencement, he dropped his pants, took a sizeable dump in front of Woodbridge Hall, buried it with a handful of his prized New England mulch, and walked away muttering “Leave no trace.”
  6. He keeps saying nut-free granola won’t be nut-free for long if he’s around.
  7. He calls his friends from FOOT his “toes.” What the fuck is that all about?

— S. Force