Wear two monocles instead of glasses
Start offering people “friendship bracelets†woven from your own hair
Read books upside-down because “it’s better for your eyesâ€
Deliberately misquote Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Ke$ha in everyday speech
Use only deodorant made from crushed mung beans
Rather than music, fill your iPod with Tibetan throat chanting
End all of your texts with, “Sincerely, Xâ€
Build a moat around your house filled with plastic balls
Start using a chamber pot despite your access to a real bathroom
—I. Gonzalez
