Breaking: “My perfume? Morning Napalm, of course.”

A Spanish chef has created a perfume that smells like pastry. What other things should be made into perfume?

• “Haven’t showered in three days” great option for people who haven’t showered in 6 days
• Bacon
• Crisp hundreds
• Subway footlong
• Rubber cement
• Teen spirit
• Mommy
—Staff (Chernicoff, Kemper, Toth)