For well over 50 years, leaf shapes haven’t changed one bit, and people are getting bored. Those freakishly spiky white oak leaves and not-even-maple-flavored maple leaves just aren’t gonna cut it for much longer. Luckily, the wait will soon be over. You asked and God answered. Here are the new leaves dropping this fall:
- Starting this season, every leaf will be unique, like snowflakes! Never again will you be mocked for picking up leaves that your friends already got their hands on.
- One in every fifty leaves will be shaped like a random celebrity’s head.Â
- Oh, wow. Would you look at that! Leaves can no longer photosynthesize to produce oxygen!
- On Halloween, all leaves will be shaped like pumpkins, and little spiders will jump out and scare passersby every once in a while. They make webs in your ears!
- A new genus of birch trees now has U.S. mint 100-dollar bill leaves, so money does grow on trees now.Â
- All oxygen on Earth will run out around November 15th. Don’t worry though, God’s going to help us cope by introducing a new leaf, the the-end-of-all-life-on-earth-as-we-know-it leaf! This one feels a bit ominous, but it’ll make me feel a lot better for sure.
- Is the air getting thin? I feel like the air’s getting thin. Eh, whatever, I think I just found a Danny Devito leaf.
–A. Hagens
