Hello, brothers and sisters! ‘Tis I—Elder Harris—spreading our new-and-improved Gospel in America’s most Godless university, Yale. Hey, BYU just called, and they want their logo back! Oh, I’m just heckin’ around. (Pardon my French!)
Even though Joseph Smith told me in a dream to go to Cancún, the Quorum of the Twelve decided to send me to beautiful New Haven! And you know what? I think the weather is just as amazing!
Anyway, Angel Moroni told me that Halloween is right around the corner! And even though Halloween is a bit too scary for Elder Harris, I figured it high time I respectfully showed you Gentiles how to party (Mormon style!) by telling you about three of my favorite costumes.
- In eighth grade, I spooked my entire ward by dressing up as Elton John! That landed me three weeks at a retreat camp in Southern Utah. Now, I only listen to pure, God-loving musicians like Garth Brooks!
- In senior year, everyone in my class dressed up as the Tabernacle Choir, and I was lucky enough to be Richard Elliot, the organist. Wait, you don’t know who that is? You guys really do need saving!
- Last Halloween, I was Jamaican! (Bomboclat!) Now, no one but the Church will hire me. Oh, well! I always knew my calling was in the Church. Goodbye, Bain internship!
Costumes aren’t the only way we Saints celebrate Halloween! Every year, the Salt Lake Temple puts on a “Trunk or Treat,” which is where everyone shows up in their Honda Odysseys, opens their trunks, and spreads the love of Joseph Smith with a few Twizzlers! (NOT Red Vines. Those are the Devil’s Twizzlers.) Be careful, though—you wouldn’t want to get a sugar rush! And if your tummy hurt the next day, it meant God was mad at you.
Spooky stories are another favorite Halloween pastime of mine. Do you want to hear a scary story? When I was a kid one Halloween, I stayed up super late until 9:30 pm to watch Gremlins on VHS. My parents said it would tempt me to do sinful things like drinking coffee. That night, I dreamt that I drank a caramel macchiato and was sent straight to Hell, where the Devil pantsed me in front of God, Jesus, Joseph Smith, and my dead Grandma. I woke up and cried. The end!
Welp, there ya have it! Remember to stop by the LDS Institute of Religion (84 Trumbull) on October 31st! We won’t have candy, but we will be handing out The Book of Mormon! It’s candy for the soul.
— T. Harris
