- Shut your laptop. It can’t hurt you when it’s closed!
- DM all members of the YSO “u up?” and see if you can seduce them and get them to give you tickets.
- DM the tuba player. I know you didn’t DM him the first time around, cuz he’s a freak. Just do it though. Maybe you’ll learn something, or become a little freaky yourself.
- Reload the Eventbrite page.
- Find an unassuming tuba player, kill them, wear their face as your face, achieve mastery of the tuba, and perform in their place.
- Oh no, the tuba playing went too well. They want you to star in the next YSO show and expect you to become a leader in the group. Rise to the occasion just like the ugly tuba player wouldn’t when you sent them that flirty DM.
- Reload the page again.
- Fake your own death so you can stop living a double life and focus on your tuba playing persona. It should be an easy decision to live as the tuba player rather than yourself, because the tuba player is guaranteed entry to the YSO halloween show next year.
- Go home to the tuba player’s family for Thanksgiving. It’s in central Jersey and it’s wonderfully quaint. When you feel stressed about being found out, just play the tuba for your family and nail it once again.
- Reload the page again.
- Think about what you’ve done. Look into a broken mirror and search for the version of yourself that was once pure. Could you have just learned the tuba in your old identity and gotten tapped for the YSO? It’s too late now. Let a tear fall and then return to tuba practice.
- Reload the page again.
- I made thirteen items on this list. That’s pretty spooky. Because Friday the 13th is like so spooky. Hope I took your mind off of the YSO show. Shoot, I mentioned it. Yeah, I think you’re gonna want to reload the page again.
–H. Lowitz
