A quarter century of life changes you. You go from a bright-eyed kid full of potential who doesn’t have to pay taxes to technically an adult with no friends, no job, and a pile of taxes you should be paying but don’t. It takes a toll on you. It hurts that teenagers kind of just laugh awkwardly when you make a joke that would’ve killed 10 years ago. Life just isn’t fair.
So here’s my solution: go trick-or-treating at 25. It may seem weird or embarrassing, but it’s normal, I promise. Really, it’s super, duper normal. In fact, trick-or-treating in your mid-twenties comes with some serious benefits.
Long gone are the days when you were forced to subsist on instant noodles and Doritos because you can’t cook. I’ve been living off the Twix bars and Milk Duds from my neighbor’s Halloween bowl for the past month, and I’ve never felt better. Now, Neighbor Jim doesn’t need to worry about me scrounging through his trashcan every day for leftovers! It’s a win-win for the whole neighborhood.
Plus, you just know your costume is going to be better than everyone else’s on the block. I mean, what lame Spirit Halloween skeleton mask can compete with the hand-made, hyper-accurate Iron Man suit you’ve spent the last three years making? Everyone’s going to look at you and think wow, that person is so cool. Maybe your parents will even be proud of you again. I could think of more benefits, but I don’t really feel like it, so just trust me.
I implore you, my fellow twenty-somethings: embrace your inner child and come trick-or-treating with me. There’s safety in numbers, and if we all stick together, small children will be less likely to shoot us with Nerf guns and call us mean names.
– S. Lanz
