How to Bother Your Opponent in a Game of Chess

1. Move the horse the wrong way
2. Start playing checkers
3. Check their kneecap with your steel-toe boot
4. Stop the clock. Ask: “What is time?”
5. Light the board on fire
6. Turn it into a game of “32 pickup”
7. Turn on “Game of Thrones”; why do people play chess?
8. Start playing Scrabble
9. Tell them you feel like you’re playing “chess of the heart”. Stare at them with a fixed smile.
10. Stab them: “That’s wizard’s chess, bitch!”
11. Replace the clock with a lit stick of dynamite
12. Lay down the river. Ace of diamonds. Adjust your sunglasses. “Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?”
13. Glue their queen to the board
14. Start playing Skyrim; why do people play chess?

–Staff