You want a bedtime story? Okay, how about this:
Once upon a time there was a kid who wouldn’t stop bitching for a bedtime story from his father, whose patience was running quite thin. The kid’s eyes were wide and pleading, like that of a weakling soldier who is begging for his life to be spared. His lower lip was quivering, like the body of said soldier after he’s been run through with his enemy’s sword. Do you see where I’m going with this? Not yet? Okay, I’ll continue.
Anyway, he kept asking for a story until his father finally gave in. But that’s when his father realized that he loathed telling stories. He hated them because most of his stories were ignored, like the story he told his wife about having an erection, or the one he told to his son in Macy’s about the green tie with the stripes and how Father’s Day was coming up. So he decided to talk long enough to distract his son while he prepared to CHLOROFORM HIM RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!
Shhhhh… Goodnight, kiddo.
—L. Sedlacek
This piece is from the Myth and Legend issue. Read the whole thing here!
