Just So You Know, I Have Sex With My Girlfriend, And This Is What It’s Like

by M. Henry >> You guys wanna know what sex is like? Well, I can tell you. I can tell you, because I have definitely had sex. A LOT of sex. Yeah.

So, sex. Sex is…amazing. It feels amazing. Like masturbating, only better. The first part of sex is, uh, the beginning, and it’s my favorite part, because it means we still have all that sex to do. We start by getting naked. I always help her take off her clothes, which is kind of difficult, if you think about it, because everything’s backwards from my perspective. Plus I’m usually distracted by her lingerie, which is SUPER sexy. It has, like, lace and stuff. Then she helps me take off my clothes, in a fast/slow kind of way. She looks really good naked. She’s got these boobs that are like, you know, right where they are supposed to be. And they feel really good, like lots of skin in one place, like a butt. When we start kissing (still naked), she asks me sexy questions, like: “What is your favorite sexual position?” and “Remember last time we had sex? It was so sexy.” And I tell her other sexy things like, “Yeah, and I’m gonna sex you up again,” and “Hey babe, you ready for my sex?”

Then we start, you know, the middle part. We’re usually super sweaty by that time, because it’s been an hour. The middle is my second-favorite part of sex, because I just feel so horny. It’s when all the action goes down, you know. The part where I put my, uh, thing, in her, uh, holder. We like to do this a lot, because that’s what sex is, and it feels really awesome. My girlfriend is really good at sex; she got like an A- in her biology class, and she knows all the parts of the male body, like the penis and the balls. Of course, I’m also really good at sex. I know because she told me I am, and it makes sense, because I’ve had a lot of practice masturbating, and I saw an NC-17 movie once by accident.

Anyway, after the middle part comes the end part, when we both have orgasms at the same time. Orgasms also feel amazing. They’re pretty hard to describe to someone who’s never had one before, but I guess I would say they’re like the peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure, and experienced by males and females. Yeah, that’s about right. After, when she is helping me put my clothes back on, and I am helping her put on her clothes, we like to talk about all the porn we watched that week. And then we like to talk about the sex that we’ve had in the past, all of that sex. We’ve had a lot of sex, so that always takes a while. Then she bikes back to her house, but I know she’ll be back, because we’re dating, and girls like to have sex, especially my girlfriend, probably because I’m so good at it.

Oh yeah and I wore a condom.

– M. Henry

This article originally appeared in the Sexuality Issue (October 2011). Read it here!