The NYPD said it has weapons designed to bring down rogue aircraft. What are they, and how do they work?
• Nerf-armed kid army.
• “First, we roofy Magneto. Then…”
• Giant Potemkin Manhattan
• That’s classified, but we can tell you it involves occasionally shooting and/or beating up innocent black men
• Enormous yellow Caution tape
• Williamsburg-based irony cannon
• I’m sorry, is this supposed to make me feel better about anything? Because it doesn’t. So okay, the NYPD has a bunch of military-grade missiles–unless they’ve also got foolproof tractor beams that can ensure that the shower of smoldering fuselage all lands on Riker’s Island, I think maybe I’d rather they didn’t.
—Staff (Chernicoff, Kemper, Klumpp, Newsham)
