Tips For Warding Off the Freshman 15 and Vampires

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  • Garlic gives any meal flavor without adding too many calories.
  • Drink lots of holy water to feel full without taking in too much fatty dining hall food.
  • Looking for a good workout?  Try the iron cross.
  • Blood thinners make blood clots less likely and blood less tasty.
  • Avoid binge drinking; alcohol is full of calories and devoid of nutritional content and if you’re drunk it can be difficult to tell the difference between a vampire and that comp sci major who stares at you through your window at night.
  • If you have a steak/stake with you at all times you are doing something wrong/right.
  • Look over your shoulder every few seconds because vampires cannot be seen in mirrors…especially if your reflection is taking up the whole damn thing, fatty.

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