1. Participation: Take part in 10 separate troop/patrol activities, six of which must be held outdoors. Three of the outdoor activities must include overnight camping, two of which must occur at least 25,000 feet above sea level.

2. Resourcefulness: Sufficiently feed your troop at one of the outdoor campouts by selecting a member of your patrol to cannibalize (more may be selected if you judge it to be necessary, and anything uneaten must be packed out).

3. Bravery: Save at least thirteen kittens from tall trees (of at least 40 feet), six grandmas (of at least 65 years of age) from oncoming traffic, and three children from burning buildings (your relation to the reason that the building set fire is unimportant).

4. Survival Skills: Cure an epidemic-level disease (as classified by the CDC). Alternatively, defeat the rest of your patrol in battle royale (details outlined by supervisor).

5. Family: Adopt and raise an orphan for at least 18 years. The child must also be a Boy Scout for at least four of those years.
Patriotism: Win the goddamn United States presidential election.

6. Leadership: Join Boy Scouts of America as a program director and head the initiative to create a newer, better kind of scout. Realize that you peaked in middle school when you yourself were a Boy Scout and that this was all you ever achieved, but now that’s less impressive because there’s this new type of scout THAT YOU’RE MAKING so you might as well make it so that no one can get it, right?

7. Kindness: Earn at least one kindness badge (optional).

— N. Lee

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