This article originally appeared in the Sponsored Issue.

 

Do not go gentle into that good night,

You never get too old to pop a pill;

Medicate, medicate, against the dying of the light.

 

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

You personally should take a shit-ton of Advil;

Do not go gentle into that good night.

 

You’ve lost your hearing and your appetite?

Sounds like time for a refill.

Pharmaceuticals are dyn-o-mite!

 

Is your heart strong enough for sexual delight?

Only one way to find out! You’ll feel just like a power drill,

Thanks to Viagra! (We hold the patent right)

 

Xalatan, Zoloft, Crestor, and Linsite,

Albuterol, Ativan, Plavix, and Paxil,

Pharmaceuticals are fucking tight!

 

So don’t kick the bucket like some luddite;

Keep your doc prescribing, if you can pay the bill.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Medicate, medicate, against the dying of the light.

 

—N. Amsel