This article originally appeared in the Just for Teens Issue

The Five Blokes Who Play and Sing: This name was voted down purely based on semantics: While it’s true that Niall and Harry both play and sing, Louis, Zayn, and Liam are exclusively singers. Louis and Zayn refuse to touch an instrument because it is against their religion, while Liam cannot hold an instrument as he has no bones above the waist. Additionally, while Louis, Niall, Zayn, and Liam are “blokes,” Harry is technically an “ol’ chap.”

The Four Blokes and One Ol’ Chap Who Never Do Murders: This name was abandoned after Zayn’s departure, when the four remaining members of the group brutally murdered their former bandmate to keep their secrets safe.

The Three Blokes and One Ol’ Chap Who Just Did That One Single Murder: Technically correct, but bad for the brand.

The Association for Pet Obesity Prevention: Louis and Niall have said in interviews that no other name fit the band’s unique personality quite like this one. Unfortunately, by the time they thought of it, it had already been trademarked by the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention.


—C. Cohen