The moon landing was faked: I’m going to start this list with one I’m fairly confident about. I had just finished making a diorama for school about the surface of the moon and I was adding the finishing touch: an American flag.  When Bill stopped by before helping my mom go upstairs to her bedroom, though, he removed the flag to “make it more accurate.”

9/11 was an inside job: Ok, I’ll admit my evidence for this one is pretty thin since the topic doesn’t come up very often.  However, a couple times before heading upstairs with my mom, he’s mentioned the fact that even jet fuel couldn’t melt “the steel beam he was sporting.”

Santa Claus is real:  I know that this isn’t exactly a conspiracy theory, but I am starting to suspect that Bill actually believes in Santa Claus. Bill stayed with us in December to “give your mother the kind of presents that Santa couldn’t bring down a chimney.”  Christmas morning, when he saw there were no presents underneath our tree, he started running around our living room screaming and accusing us of closing the chimney flue the night before.

Obama is a Kenyan Muslim:  Bill has a bumper sticker that says “Obama is a Kenyan Muslim.”  I know because sometimes he makes me wash his truck while he and my mom “utilize the whole house.”

Shooter on the grassy knoll: Bill definitely thinks JFK was shot by at least two gunmen.  Sometimes he will sprint out of my mom’s room wearing nothing but a towel and begin to write furiously in his “JFK Book.”  I’ve flipped through the book, and it is filled with various references to a second shooter, multiple incorrectly-drawn maps of Dealey Plaza, and three doodles of a stick figure with bulging muscles labeled “Strong Bill.”

— B. Beitler