A box of chocolates: Classic, sweet, and delicious. It might not seem like the most thoughtful gift, but this Valentine’s Day classic would make any boo smile. Unfortunately, you’ll have to eat the whole box yourself, since you’re completely and utterly alone.


A dozen red roses: Another venerable classic that has stood the test of time. If you want to spice things up, consider adding a beautiful spray of baby’s breath or some tulips to the bouquet. And remember, because you have no one to actually give those flowers to, you can enjoy them all yourself! Until of course, they wither, rot, and die.


DNA necklace: Chocolate and roses are fancy, but if you really want to impress the love of your life, think about getting them a DNA necklace. It’s a part of you they can always carry with them,. What could be more romantic? Maybe if you manage to stop being single before you die, you’ll be able to pass on on your DNA in a less literal way.


A thoughtful, heartfelt card: Sometimes, the best things in life are the smallest. Spend ten or fifteen minutes writing a genuine note to your significant other, and watch how happy it makes them. Regrettably, it remains difficult to write a sincere, specific letter to someone who doesn’t exist. Good luck!


A plate of homemade goodies: Even (or perhaps especially) if you’re not the best cook, spending the time and effort to bake a plate of cookies or brownies shows how much you care. Plus, you get to share some hot, delicious chocolatey goodness. Or, in your case, have it to yourself. Have fun eating all those feelings.


A. Hoganson