• “It looks like someone wanted to pick her brains!”
  • “Seems like she met an icy reception!”
  • “Apparently someone stopped her cold!”
  • “This murderer needs to chill out!”
  • “This killer needs to pick on someone their own size!”
  • “We’d better stay sharp in case there’s more suspicious activity!”
  • “People are going to keep dying if the police don’t pick up the
  • pace! They’re barely making glacial progress! Someone needs to show them the cold, hard truth!”
  • “I didn’t know Panera Bread sold a You Pick One®!”
  • “Anyone else want to take a stab at a quip?”

Things I Would Actually Say If I Found Someone Murdered With an Ice Pick

  • *20 minutes of sustained vomiting*


S. Savitz