We get it. The semester is almost halfway over, and you’re starting to realize that the money you saved up over the summer isn’t enough to fuel your hourly coffee runs. We don’t blame you; there’s no way you could have anticipated needing this much caffeine. At this point in the year, it seems like all the good jobs are taken.
All hope is not lost: The Record has compiled a list of some lesser-known student jobs that are sure to still be available no matter when you end up reading this.
Old Campus Statue $13.15/hr
Do you like standing? Having tourists take your picture? If yes, this is the job for you. Paint yourself statue-colored and stand for a six-hour shift. Not only is this job fun, but it also provides good resume experience if you plan on pursuing a career as one of those guys who paints themselves up and pretends to be a statue on a city street corner.
Required Skills: A resemblance to Theodore Dwight Woolsey, Abraham Pierson, Nathan Hale, or a lion.
J.E. Dining Hall Attendee $15.00/hr
Eat meals at the J.E. dining hall and pretend you’re having a good time. If you do your job well enough, outsiders will believe the J.E. Dining Hall is actually a place students like. This job is very demanding, but it pays well.
Required Skills: Being good at acting like you enjoy things that are not good.
Peter Salovey’s Chair $13.50
Get down on your hands and knees and make your back as flat as possible. You are now a chair for Peter Salovey. Shifts are four hours long. You should prepare some popular “oldie but goodie” bluegrass songs to sing. Yale’s president is bound to sing along with you, and it helps with the awkwardness. I mean, you don’t want to just sit there in silence for an entire four-hour chair shift.
Required Skills: Proficiency in staying flat and chair-like. A cushion-y back. Humility.
Peter Salovey’s Roll-y Chair $14.00/hr
This one is just like being Peter Salovey’s regular chair, except you wear roller blades on your hands and feet.
Required Skills: Balance
–A. Winters
