1. Everyone in Your Froco Group: You guys have so much chemistry. You know, like, everything about each other, like what cities you’re all from. And you have that one inside joke about the funny thing your froco said that one time (you know the one). You’ll definitely spend 9:00-10:15pm with these people every weeknight, even when you’re not required to.
  2. The Girl You Met at Bulldog Days: She technically has a boyfriend and the number she gave you only has three digits, but you’ll still probably smash.
  3. The 45 People You Went to Toad’s With: My great-grandfather said nothing could bring a group of men closer together than the agonies of war, but that fucker is senile as shit. The only way to truly bond with a group of people is to spend 45 minutes walking around trying to find SAE Leo? before giving up and spending another 20 minutes trying to find Toad’s. You know almost a quarter of their names, and at least half of them will be the best man at your wedding.
  4. Peter Salovey: He really stressed how relatable he was to undergrads in his opening speech, so you’ll definitely get coffee with him every Tuesday at 3:45.
  5. The Guy You Sat Next to in Intro Micro: What are the odds that you’re both Econ majors AND in the same class?!? His name was Andrew or Adam or something, and there’s a strong probability he’ll be the one to cradle your head as you slowly die in a tragic curling accident.
  6. Jodie Foster: If you kill the President, she’ll finally love you.
  7. Brian Beitlorm: Just kidding, no one is friends with Brian Beitlorm.

—T. Guler