“So I see you’re pregnant…”

“Son, I need you to tell me about sex.”

“Why don’t you just ask Jeeves?”

“Let me get the magazines out from under my bed.”

“It’s sort of like the Hokey-Pokey.”

“Open the fridge and get out the cucumbers.”

“Four score and seven years ago…”

“Now that you’re three years old…”

“Now that you’re 33 years old…”

“Hang on, let me run to the costume closet.”

“Son, as you may have noticed, you have a penis.”

“Ask your dad, I hate talking about work.”

“Well, most of your urges will send you straight to Hell…”

“Son, your girlfriend told me you’re having trouble…”

“I’d like to deliver this message in the form of a song.”




(Originally published in 2011 in The Sexuality Issue)