Schmohio: Was actually Ohio wearing sunglasses and a fake mustache.
Canada: Stood America up at
senior prom the Continental Congress and so America got upset and slept with incorporated Vermont instead, a decision it has regretted ever since. America has never forgiven Canada for being such a slut valuable strategic ally.
New York City: Rest of New York is addicted to that sweet, sweet tax money. This is an intervention, New York. We all care about you very much, but you have a problem.
Absaroka: Proposed state carved from Montana and Wyoming; denied statehood when it was discovered that moose outnumbered humans in this territory.
Cuba: Former territory allowed to become an independent country. We do our imperialism like we do our adultery: denying it exists, fucking the other entity anyway, and reaping the benefits.
Going to the movies with Alexa in 10th grade: I’m sorry, this is a list of rejected states, not rejected dates (loser)
Puerto Rico: Because of racism.
East Virginia: Eaten by West Virginia in the womb.
Israel and Palestine: Adding these as two new states? I can’t even write this one with a straight face…wait, what? That was a real idea someone had? What the fuck?
Guam: Because of racism.
North Jersey: Not allowed to secede from New Jersey on the logic that so much concentrated douchebaggery would be some kind of crime against humanity.
Northern Mariana Islands: Because of racism.
The Moon: While the Moon is not a state, it is in fact the exclusive property of the United States of America.
Kentucky: You may have been told that Kentucky is a state, but this is in fact false.