Dear Aesop,
Your fables are so inspiring. I’ve
been having some problems in my love
life lately, and I was wondering if you
could give me some advice. How can
I pick up girls? It seems like no one is
interested in me.
Daniel Tyson, TD ’18

Dear Daniel,
Once there was a goat, and none of
the other goats would pay attention to
him. He was a blind goat, and a slave
of the Ancient Goat empire. Then he
made up a bunch of stupid goat stories
about other goats, and all the girl goats
loved him. He was positively swimming
in lady-goats. Hope that helps.