- The professor says “Let’s get some new voices in the conversation” every time you raise your hand.
- You get hard every time someone piggybacks off of your train of thought.
- You advocate for the devil.
- The devil advocates for you.
- Your pulse races and your craniofacial arteries bulge if you haven’t referenced an unassigned passage of Hegel, Heidegger, or Marx in the past 10 minutes.
- You cry when you receive an A- so the regular people in your section ask if you’re okay, which is the perfect segue for you to seem approachable by modestly explaining that you just received your first A-.
- You GroupMe DM someone after class to inform them that they mispronounced Wittgenstein: “lol I know it was a mistake, just wanted to let you know that the ‘ei’ is pronounced ‘i’ because the etymology of the name is actually German, lol ur totally good it just sounded weird and i only know because i’ve read a lot of his works.’”
- You ask complicated questions that are simultaneously backhanded compliments in the last three minutes of section, extending the class time another 15 minutes. (“I love what Marie said, but I want to push back on it a little…”)
- Nietzsche is your safeword.
- You’ve never had a chance to use it.
—A. Golden
