In an accident this past Thursday, male librarian Oskaar Johannson’s son Karl Mayörsohn Johannson revealed a 400lb stash of Benadryl inside the Left Tower of the World Park Twin Towers. Johannson was pushed down a hill overlooking the monument by one of his classmates and careened into the 18-foot tower. The monument swayed and collapsed, leaving a pile of burlap sacks overflowing with boxes of Benadryl pills.
Following relatively recent efforts from town officials to integrate Swedish and Irish education, certain Swedish students crossing Main Street to enroll in Irish middle schools have faced animosity from their classmates. Karl Johannson was a new student at Falls Middle School and was reportedly struggling with finding friends in his new environment. Witnesses say fellow middle schooler Fred Humphrey had been persecuting Karl for his perceived Swedish accent (Johannson has lived in the United States his entire life), resulting in the scuffle on the World Park field trip. Karl Johansson emerged unscathed from the incident and his family has decided not to press charges, despite aggressive protest from the Rafferty Falls Swedish community. Fred Humphrey has declined to comment for this article.
Forensic analysis revealed DNA evidence from several Skogsfall Adult Home employees and residents among the packaging, lending credence to the rumors of an underground Benadryl ring in the residence. An elderly couple was escorted away by law enforcement as they were spotted harvesting pills from the pile. The “Benadryl Boss” at the head of the operation, as residents of Skogsfall call them, remains unidentified and at large.
Town officials are currently assessing reconstruction of the monument, but are facing engineering concerns; the Benadryl sacks provided essential structural support and need to be replaced with suitable material.
At press time, the reconstruction vote was split due to vocal concerns that “the towers would be built back up just to be knocked down again”.
—J. Mansfield
