NEW HAVEN, CT—After thirteen professors withdrew from the Ethnicity, Race, and Migration program on Friday, President Peter Salovey in an email expressed regret over forgetting what ER&M stands for in the first place.
“I’ll have to admit, I thought the ‘E’ stood for ethics or economics. Then I realized I was thinking of EP&E, which I’d never get rid of, so I had to call up my buddy Marv to help me out again,” said Salovey. “Anyways, that was last week, and I forgot again this week. Can you please give me a hint?”
While the administration has yet to release an official statement, undergraduate ER&M students have already taken significant steps to elicit a response, including a demonstration in front of Sterling Memorial Library.
“I saw all this news about EM&R, so I disguised myself as a touring high-schooler and investigated. I heard some jibber jabber at that big library about ‘Epictography, Grapes, and Citations,’ so I immediately called Marvy to ask him about it,” Salovey said.
Dean Marvin Chun confirmed that he had spoken to Salovey over the phone.
“He told me that he saw some ‘nerds’ complaining about the Acidity, Lakes, and Gyrations major on Cross Campus, but I reminded him that’s actually a first-year seminar, not a whole major. Then he just said ‘thank you Dean Daddy’ and hung up. I’m very confused as to why he’s like this when we have the whole ER&M situation to deal with,” Chun said.
While the thirteen professors have submitted withdrawal letters, they have not given up hope. In addition to holding belief that Salovey will re-invite them to the annual “Meaty Petey” faculty barbecue, the professors believe he can eventually learn what the major is and respond to their concerns.
“So here’s the dealio. Majors like EP&E are indispensable since they’re interdisciplinary, or in other words, really cool. All RE&M classes are just about that one boring band whereas EP&E is about Ethics, Penises, AND Ethics—three things. THREE!” exclaimed Salovey. “Is it really that complicated?”