This article originally appeared in the Just for Teens Issue


Listen up, children. This is very important information, and I am only going to say it to you one time. There is nothing “meme” about doing a marijuana. Marijuana is a very deadly substance. If I ever caught my son doing marijuana, I don’t know what I’d do to him. He certainly wouldn’t be feeling very “squad” after I gave him a stern talking to and a gentle love-spanking.

In all honesty, children, I must candidly admit that back when I was a youth I tried marijuana once. It is the only regret I have in my life.  Just thinking about it fills me with shame, but I must share my story with you for educational purposes. Shortly before my high school graduation, I injected 37 grams of pure cannabis straight into my thyroid. It was not a very “yeet” experience because I almost died as well as jeopardized my academic pursuits and disappointed my very respectable parents.

All I can say to all you youths who are considering partaking in the marijuana festivities is that no one can learn when marijuana is “sliding into the DMs” of your brain. You all need to “esketit” yourselves back to school because marijuana might be the gateway to addiction, but education is the gateway to lifelong success.


—H. Rubin