Comey, false allegations of wiretapping, NSA, CIA … we get it, there’s a lot going on. But we also understand that for these questions, the fact that you had to ask them would be a lot more revealing than any explanation could be, so we did you a favor and answered them for you here.

  1. Yes.
  2. No, not since 2011.
  3. Only on Wednesdays.
  4. Yes…and no.
  5. Let’s just say there’s a reason they call him “The Cavity Haver.”
  6. Ask your mother.
  7. Not exactly…
  8. No one knows but Frankie Muniz, and good luck getting him to spill the beans!
  9. Sometimes, but not always.
  10. You know how nothing makes your hardwood floors sparkle like a wet mop? It’s kind of like that.
  11. Yes.
  12. No, and they never will.
  13. The question is the answer.
  14. The first would be precise but not accurate; the second, accurate but not precise!
  15. Nope.


—A. Kinnane