In the early days of the Class of 2020 Facebook page—a simpler time, when the group was dominated not by the same four people’s shameless self-promotion but by hordes of admits unleashing their life stories in bouts of verbal diarrhea—one of my inventive peers posted a challenge: introduce yourself, or your outlook on life, in ten words or less. The following are some ten word comments that almost made it past my keyboard. That is, before I realized I still needed to make friends.

  1. Feminism is not the female counterpart of misogyny. Discuss, everyone.
  1. Asked for blue collared shirt at Yale bookstore. Doesn’t exist.
  1. Mistaken for: Sanjana, Aditi, Raj… (apparently, we wear similar shoes).
  1. Girl seeks sensitive intellectual who likes PBS and can cook.
  1. Girl seeks submissive Chris Hemsworth look-alike. Likes puppies–– brains optional.
  1. Screw boys. Girl seeks food. Where you at Thin Mints?
  1. Backpack stunted growth in seventh grade. Eats prodigiously to compensate.
  1. Concerned Semi-Homemade is a clever guise for Sandra Lee’s alcoholism.
  1. Newt Gingrich. Soupy cottage cheese. Same person. Food for thought.
  1. Periodically, Trey Songz’s “ohohoh mista steal yo girl” plays mentally.
  1. Chronically afraid of caterpillars. Repetitive dreams of being eaten alive.
  1. Bitch in preschool. Made everyone laugh at Erin. #regrets #loljkfuckyouerin
  1. Butt-parted hair in middle school while blissfully oblivious of mustache.
  1. Favorite childhood anecdote: deliberately defecating under dinner table. Fond memories.



  1. After Record publication, girl makes TONS of new friends. Not.


—S. Gadre