In the early days of the Class of 2020 Facebook page—a simpler time, when the group was dominated not by the same four people’s shameless self-promotion but by hordes of admits unleashing their life stories in bouts of verbal diarrhea—one of my inventive peers posted a challenge: introduce yourself, or your outlook on life, in ten words or less. The following are some ten word comments that almost made it past my keyboard. That is, before I realized I still needed to make friends.
- Feminism is not the female counterpart of misogyny. Discuss, everyone.
- Asked for blue collared shirt at Yale bookstore. Doesn’t exist.
- Mistaken for: Sanjana, Aditi, Raj… (apparently, we wear similar shoes).
- Girl seeks sensitive intellectual who likes PBS and can cook.
- Girl seeks submissive Chris Hemsworth look-alike. Likes puppies–– brains optional.
- Screw boys. Girl seeks food. Where you at Thin Mints?
- Backpack stunted growth in seventh grade. Eats prodigiously to compensate.
- Concerned Semi-Homemade is a clever guise for Sandra Lee’s alcoholism.
- Newt Gingrich. Soupy cottage cheese. Same person. Food for thought.
- Periodically, Trey Songz’s “ohohoh mista steal yo girl” plays mentally.
- Chronically afraid of caterpillars. Repetitive dreams of being eaten alive.
- Bitch in preschool. Made everyone laugh at Erin. #regrets #loljkfuckyouerin
- Butt-parted hair in middle school while blissfully oblivious of mustache.
- Favorite childhood anecdote: deliberately defecating under dinner table. Fond memories.
- After Record publication, girl makes TONS of new friends. Not.