1. Try and find a license plate from every state except Nebraska, because you recently saw the movie Nebraska and it made you feel sad and seeing a Nebraska plate would probably just make you feel sad again.
  1. Think of some good excuses for why you don’t want to go BASE jumping on Friday the 13th that don’t make you sound lame, in case anyone ever asks you to do that.
  1. Jealously look at airplanes flying overhead, because they probably have a much better view of cool birds.
  1. Sing along to some classic road-tripping songs, like It Doesn’t Count as a Road Trip (If Dad Doesn’t Passive Aggressively Suggest Mom Should Get a Job).
  1. See how long you can think about robbers without getting overwhelmed by how bad they are.
  1. Count sheep’s lucky stars that they have so much wool to keep them warm in the winter, since sheep are unlikely to know how to count and are also ungrateful little shits.
  1. Play card games. Some that work especially well for road trips are “I lost the 8 of clubs in the crack of this seat” and “I think these might be the rules to Solitaire.”

–A. Kinnane