- Be your own Valentine! Write yourself a nice card.
- Adorn your house with flowers.
- Adorn your bed with rose petals.
- Get a perm, give a perm. Mutual stuff like that.
- Send your crush a cute note, just to see what would happen.
- Take a luxurious bath to the tunes of Wham!
- Use conversation hearts to actually have conversation for once.
- Mix every flavor of Schweppes sparkling water to see what it tastes like.
- Stick tampons in your roof to try to stop the leaking.
- Spend many months writing a novel and then burn it as a symbol of life’s impermanence.
- Maybe just make some mashed potatoes from scratch.
- Accidentally make eye contact with yourself in the mirror. Look away playfully and twirl your hair.
- Chase a man down the street, just to see what would happen.
- Switch out your melon friends for vegetables, they didn’t mean anything to you anyway.
- Crash a date at a local restaurant, but be cool about it. Bring rosé.
- Experiment with different kinds of cocoa nibs.
- React poorly to a comment made by your married friend over the phone.
- Collect tears in mason jar to conserve during drought.
- Peruse your local Yankee Candle, maybe try a new scent! It’s okay to get a little adventurous, it’s Valentine’s Day after all.
- Prod your schnauzer’s butthole, just to see what would happen.
- Light your “Bakery Air” candle. It makes your room smell like a goddamn cookie.
- Use the wax from your candle to seal a secret letter. Shhhh.
- Knit yourself a cocoon; emerge in the spring.
- Become someone’s everything.
- Aerate your lawn using an awl and a little elbow grease.
- Just let the wind take you.
- Braid your hair into a woven blanket and revel in your oneness.
- Begin work on your terrarium. Splurge on a delightful selection of mosses.
- Finally learn to love yourself.
—L. Unsworth
