Buy a jean jacket
Get bangs
Practice looking forlornly out the windows of public
buses to look tragic yet unattainable, but the kind of
unattainable that still makes people want to make out
with you
Coin your own fun-and-flirty catchphrase. Something
like, “I am tragic yet unattainable. Want to make
out?”
Wash jean jacket several times to give it that classic “I’ve-
had-this-jean-jacket-forever-of-course-I’m-not-just-
trying-to-rebrand-myself-for-college-why-would-you-
think-that-mom” look
Accidently bleach jean jacket, break down, scream, “I
am tragic yet unattainable!” at the moon in hysterical
mourning
Shave off your bangs as a sign of solidarity with your
once fun-and-flirty jean jacket
Realize your mistake and try to glue them back on with
industrial glue
Develop painful scalp hives
Realize you have an allergy to the epoxy resins
commonly used in industrial glue
Try to distract from your hives by looking tragic yet
unattainable
Buy a replacement jean jacket
Let the sexy times of college roll in
—R. Lackner
