2027-2037: This is when your future child will have
braces and cystic acne. He will also beg you to let
him take ballet classes, which you will forbid because
you are an Irish-dancing family, goddammit. He will
never forgive you.
The 1JTT’s [pronounced JayteenTT’s]: It seems
like just yesterday that America’s darling, Jonathan
Taylor Thomas, became an unforgiving authoritarian
leader whose oppressive regime brought our proud
country into a dark age of Home Improvement
reruns and middle parts.
Those Ten Years That Brad Spent Trapped in a
Chick-Fil-A Parking Lot: Have you met Brad
yet? No? Well, he spent ten years trapped in a
Chick-Fil-A parking lot.
The Blorftian Years: Only 90’s kids will remember
these ten spunky years between the 1980’s and the
1990’s! Bring out your floof hats and your gumpy
boots cuz it’s time for a TBT.
The Bear Era: You and everyone you know was
turned into bears. No one remembers, which is why
you’ve never heard of it.
—R. Lackner
