Tube sock: He’s a virgin
Gym sock: He’s aggressive
Dress sock: He paid for an expensive dinner
Red sock: He’s a communist
Blue sock: He’s a Democrat
Orange sock: Who the fuck wears orange socks? Underpants: Doesn’t wear socks, believes they’re oppressive Thigh high: What the fuck?
Two socks: Overcompensating, not actually having sex Sock puppet: Lots of foreplay, or schizophrenic Condom: Oops
Panties: Daaaaaamn, son

—J. Shi